Marium's Journal

Relocated

2007-04-07T20:14:00.000+05:00

2007-02-14T01:35:00.000+05:00

Happy Valentines day...Not!

2006-12-10T00:52:00.000+05:00

Rj Monasha makes it back to the radio scene!!

It was nice..being offered and called and insisted that i start immediately
*I preen like a peacock*
hehe

so i'll be on air here www.mastfm103.com.pk :)

2006-12-06T22:35:00.000+05:00

Thanx to my coffee

Silently,
He smiles to himself,
As he thinks of her,
Sitting alone in her kitchen,
Sipping coffee.
She thinks of him too,
But little does he know it.
Shamefully,
Both pass each other every day,
Without passing on the knowledge,
Of their inwardly turned love.
Time and time again it happens,
For who has the courage to say it first,
Or do they just enjoy,
Their secret love affair.

2006-12-03T16:13:00.000+05:00

My blog has a new face
I feel like a proud mommy :-D

2006-11-27T16:48:00.000+05:00

my oh my
i can finally access my blog without using anonymous proxies.
That terrible blocking of the blogs although got me used to blogging seldomnly...and i certainly dont like it.
Im tempted to switch to wordpress...but dunno if i should.
Omg..im turning into those brand loyal buggers.
crap!
I saw Saad Haroon's The real News on Play today..he rocks!
kinda cute too..heh!

Considering Rj-ing on 103 too...but not sure of its environment yet.
Except for Maiez and Sharaf i havnt yet come accross any savvy rj's yet.

i guess it'll do em good if i join em.
hehe!

2006-09-16T00:28:00.000+05:00

Remembering to blog now that im imobile for the time being

Got robbed at gunpoint day b4 yesterday near PECHS on our way back from the airport...3am i nthe morning. 3 Guys in a savvy brand new corolla..unmasked..with really sleek pistols.
Iv always heard about ppl being robbed at gunpoint but now that iv experienced it..good god!!

They cornered our car in a street and we had to slam on our brakes to keep from crashing into another car abd that got me a huge swollen ankle and a dislocated spinal disc *OOWW!!*
Khair..that wasnt enuuff...they each had a gun resting at my and my cousins temple and so really easily took away everything from us..wallets, cells, passports, even the darn suitcases and car keys so we cudnt follow them
AS IF WE WANTED TO!!

My Xray's done ...lets see what the doc has to say

2006-08-23T21:39:00.000+05:00

*Marium sticks her head in the sand too*
Aaahhh...better!

2006-08-21T02:10:00.000+05:00

There’s a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There’s a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she’s looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily
’ cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there’s nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
The girl in my mirror
Is crying ’cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do.

I can’t believe it’s what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror ......
.........Is me

-Marium
2:11 am (21'aug'06)

2006-08-09T01:05:00.000+05:00

The notorious, exuberant and awesome IBA MBA's of 2004-2006
Yesss...Thats my class.
im there a coupla times too..
gosh i miss these times!!

http://www.youtube.com/v/JpBSYolMp_k type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">

2006-08-01T00:01:00.000+05:00

I love it when rain drops cling to my window

It helps blur the reality on the other side for a while.

2006-07-31T23:19:00.000+05:00

It wasnt pleasant but then the truth always isnt.
Being called an Extremist, unknown to a middle ground emotion of 'just plain liking', an obsessive thinker and and being foolish enough to entertain high expectations from people....
....And all this by a perfect stranger
Who toook a my hand in his, peered at my palm with his magnifying glass..
...and just jumped to conclusions!

why did the palmist have to be correct?!

2006-07-28T00:57:00.000+05:00

BLOG-WORD-OF-THE-DAY : Believe

My eyes shut in concentration...My entity oblivious to the sounds around me...my world focusing only around the wish that came to my lips in a silent prayer.
I opened my eyes...n blew the single eyelash from my palm.

Yes..I believe!

2006-07-26T15:36:00.000+05:00

SKETCHED....

A dear dear kid made a sketch of my pic...luv his shading!!
Thanx kiddo ;-)

2006-07-15T00:46:00.000+05:00

I miss the simplicity life once had.

When everything wasnt so complicated!

2006-07-11T02:48:00.000+05:00

A room as dark as dark can be,
I'm sitting hiding where you can't see,
The million cuts that rake my skin,
Another mark, another sin,

I see my reflection and try to ignore it,
In a mirror broken like the person before it,
The walls the shriek of deserved hate,
I try to forget but it's far too late.

And now onto my wrist I'm tracing lines,
People can't help me they've missed the signs,
So bow my head and raise my glass,
As this night may just be my last.

2006-07-08T00:09:00.001+05:00

This is cute.
I know someone who'll appreciate this once he starts working *grins*

http://us.gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/puzzle-alarm-clock-presents-mild-challenge-wakes-you-up-157999.php

2006-07-08T00:09:00.000+05:00

Fot all the curious, who got the kicks outta knowing that Ali saleem aka Begum nawazish was getting married.
Actually it turned out his elder brother Omer 'Ali' Saleem was the groom. All the better...coz that meant the grooms brother ( brother???...yeah right! ) wud be participating in the festivities.

The groom was the bald version of begum nawazish..they both had their eyebrows done!!!
But ofcourse Ali had stolen the limelight with his glorious long red hair, his solo dance 'on stage' on Babu ji Zara dheeray chalo with moves that put all bollywood heroines to shame, his giggle...yes..Giggles and the specific movement of the neck that comes with the package.

To top it all, he was wearing pink-gold nail color..even on the toes *ughh*

It took effort not to stare..and even more not to laugh coz his amma was sitting rite next to me. Though it got kinda embarassing when my sis suddenly started tugging my sleeve n said 'Oh my god apiii...look at her..umm him..her!'
That sure got auntie's attention *bumm*

2006-07-05T21:46:00.000+05:00

I need something to do other then going to parties n weddings or the club!!

oh btw...im going to 'Begum Nawazish Ali's wedding today...hehehe
suprisingly he is the groom.
Though untill i see it with my own eyes..i believe that i'll probably see 2 ladies on stage in bridal gharara's!

:-D

sleepless in...

2006-07-02T03:01:00.000+05:00

The new layouts finally done and up.
It suits me for now..but then opinions of my friends differ :)

...and with this..another nights half gone and im still up, restless & sleepless.

- The Insomniac Babbles

2006-06-29T01:09:00.000+05:00

I never saw
I never cared
Walked my path
Unaware
But when I fell
Could you tell
I wanted you
To set me free

The Insomniac Babbles.

2006-06-28T17:23:00.000+05:00

I looked at my cell's lifeless form.
No lights, no vibrations...not a sound.
The poor thing had been like that since yesterday...

...Why havn't you called!

After Ages

2006-06-25T02:27:00.000+05:00

Gawd...
Its been months.
And blogspot still isnt un-banned :-I hate writing through proxies, but i dont even like livejournal or other blog hosts so im back here!
Gotta adjust the template again to suit my latest moods n babble like i used to!

CHEEEEESE!

2006-03-13T23:39:00.000+05:00

Three Lions On A Shirt says:
I know this nice girl called Moni
Who was pretty , cute like a pony
She was really cheesy and fun
And when tickled she will run
Meyyum says:
ROTFLLLL :-D
Three Lions On A Shirt says:
okay, the last line was eveb lamer than the rest of it :-p
Meyyum says:
itshh de cutest
Three Lions On A Shirt says:
no no
Three Lions On A Shirt says:
you're de cutest ;-)
Meyyum says:
no no no..itshh de cutest :-p
Three Lions On A Shirt says:
no no no... you are
Meyyum says:
aww well ok if u insist :-D

My basant

2006-03-13T22:23:00.000+05:00

I tried flying a kite today for the first time :-) It was a darn cute one, tadpole shaped with a huge tail trailing behind it. and even though i cut my hands to bits..i loved it.
the first pic: me, finally mastered the skill of 'dheel deing' and basically keeping it afloat :-D
The second goofy pic is actually my dad trying to teach me how to hold the string which ket slipping outta my hands..hehhe

Chummy with the bombs!

2006-03-02T18:39:00.003+05:00

The bombs exploded a minute after a i passed marriot at 9-ish, on my way to IBA for my MP paper. It was a darn close call...not to mention the damage had be done bcz of the state of frenzy n distraction we gave the paper in.
Despite of that..Danishmand wud NOT close IBA tomorow..Ohhh Nooo!
we'd hav to stay in iba tonite and gave 3 stupid papers tomorow.
Mums completely freaking out..n rightly so!
Maybe tomorow morning wud be like a scene from Dil Se where i'll be running midst burning tyres and exploding bombs just to give....
......A PAPER!
Hope the governor house calls Danny soon and puts an end to the stupid charade
But thats not it..I might be coming down with Typhoid, so if i dont die in the terror attacks tomorow..id probably die next week of going to iba everyday in burning fever!
So i ran outta my allotted absences...when wud iba make exceptions!!

2006-02-26T19:15:00.000+05:00

To love painlessly,

is like...

trying to run through snow

without leaving footprints.

There's just no doing it!

2006-02-22T20:11:00.000+05:00

Do miracles happen?

Im fast running outta time..unless by May, a miracle happens!

2006-02-20T22:09:00.000+05:00

I bet, that when i wont be around anymore, everything around you would be a constant reminder of me.
Every soft voice that would call your name, any loving eyes.
A corny answer to your corny question.
Each time u spend the day infront of the TV for a match.
Every Ballad, every sappy mushy movie.

Each time you'll look into the mirror and u feel your smile betraying you...
Each time u'll say..."I wish..."

2006-02-19T18:58:00.000+05:00

Its a vicious cycle.

I started this blog last feb, which was the first extremely blue phase i had ever experienced in life. As months passed by, life treated better and i slipped out of it.
But its feb again, and im back in the same ol phase i was back then..maybe worse.
Is it an ironic co-incidence or a never ending vicious cycle

2006-02-16T17:15:00.000+05:00

Felt like congratulating myself for being able to stay distracted since the last 15 something days. Pretty amazing if you ask me, despite the fact that somethings never got pushed to the back of my mind even when i was over exerting.
Normal expressions carved out of granite not just for the world but for myself as well, even wen i looked in the mirror at myself i turned a blind eye to what was actually churning inside my mind.
Yet so many days is too soon,
too soon to slip into a post-control syndrome.
too soon to start missing an essential part of life.
too soon for a raw wound to be ripped open again for another biopsic check!

2006-02-15T21:29:00.001+05:00

When life makes you cynical, you start looking coldly at all the things you once loved passionately.

I miss loving life!

dissssappointed!

2006-01-31T21:20:00.000+05:00

What do u make of the person who suddenly starts to avoid your gaze..specially at the time when you counted on him the most?

Each passing day strengthens my belief, theres not a sincere soul around!

:-)

2006-01-30T13:03:00.000+05:00

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

2006-01-28T22:30:00.000+05:00

Dear God,
Why is it that everytime, i try to step up, i try to live up to the expected expectations, i try achieving everything, without hurting anyone...Im ruthlessly pulled away from attaining it...from getting any peace of mind.

Plz God, make it stop!

Maddie's words of wisdom

2006-01-26T17:56:00.000+05:00

Maddie: A word of advice for you mona

Maddie: there are 2 types of guys in this world...1) Who are actually 'Mailay' on the inside and show it on the outside too
2) Who are actually 'Mailay' from the inside but do not show it on the outside!!

Maddie: So dont tell me that your guy is just fab, just hope he isnt 'maila' on the outside coz thats pretty rare too! :-p

Ahh here we go, no more wishes of prince charming :-D

Birthday Blues

2006-01-22T17:08:00.000+05:00

Happy birthday
Hav a blast...
Get everything you wish for...
Have many more...

God this all sounds so fake!
The fake wishes, the fake love sum people show on your birthday, the materialistic values...
Im not ungrateful for the few people around me who really really care, but they arnt the only ones around me..i often care for those who dont have anything to give back, and I detest this fakeness all over again.

Say sumthing

2006-01-15T19:55:00.000+05:00

It's hair pulling confusing.
I need to know wats going on with you, wats going on inside your head but i hav no way of finding out. Wats with this abrupt silence, this attitude?
Tell me sumthing..anything.
You are ripping my soul apart.

2006-01-13T21:49:00.000+05:00

Curled up by the fire, i suddenly felt as if u had come back, not caring about my erratic heartbeat...or a minute of its absence, I ran to the door, but the snow laden white storm winds pushed me back in. I ran to the windows hoping Its you I see but the window is all fogged up.
In a frenzy, i rub a mittened hand on the glass to wipe the fog away...
...
But i dont see you.

I cant find you,
Come back!

Tanhaiyaan

2006-01-13T18:53:00.000+05:00

Ajnabi sheher ke, Ajnabi rastey
Meri tanhai par muskuratey rahay.
Mai bohat dier tak, yoonhi chalta raha...
Tum bohat dier tak yaad atey rahay.

*Gradullay slipping back to the same syndrome, hope you havn't stranded me this time!
Miss you!* :-(

2006-01-13T01:05:00.000+05:00

Im on a doodling roll...lol.
Adding an Ipod to my wishlist if anyones planning on gifting me one for my bday :-D

dOOdling on paint-2

2006-01-12T16:13:00.001+05:00

Trying to stay away from sketching Teary eyes :-)

An offer for the devil....

2006-01-12T16:13:00.000+05:00

... Will accept an ACER FERRARI if not cash!

*Doodling on paint taking on a new weird twist* :)

Doodling on Paint

2006-01-12T00:29:00.000+05:00

Eid Mubarak

2006-01-11T00:26:00.001+05:00

...and happy Bar-B-Ques

2006-01-07T17:05:00.000+05:00

Lie to me.
Tell me I am the one in your heart.
Staunch my hemorrhaging soul.
Convince me that I make the world new.
Seal the wounds I have inflicted.
Fight to keep me in your arms.
Show me how I paint the heavens with magic.
Give me a reason to live

2006-01-05T22:06:00.000+05:00

Remind me why I love you.

2006-01-03T00:04:00.000+05:00

Something happened back there..something that made me flip my lip in such a dizzying rush that i didnt even know what i was saying. But the pain was so blinding that it ruled out any logical thinking...it ruled out any thinking.
All i could feel was my heart missing beats painfully and my being was being whirlpooled down a bottomless pit.
A vortex of an all consuming fire raged behind my eyes and burned them tearless.
Something happened that changed the way i was, the way i felt and wiped out all traces of smiles i had managed to gather in the last few days.
Something happened...that i can't bear.

Not Again!

2006-01-01T20:26:00.000+05:00

IBA starts again from tomorow.
I need another vacation to get over these holidays *groaning*
Im so not upto waking early tomorow morning and dragging myself to an 8:30am class *annoyed*

2005-12-31T23:37:00.000+05:00

Happy New Year
Days turn to months and they fly by me,
but memories are here to stay.

2005 had its up and downs, less ups and more downs.
Waiting to see what awaits me as I unfold the mystery of another year.

Wishing you a beautifull new year filled with love and happiness.

my driving test

2005-12-30T01:14:00.000+05:00

Money does wonders.

I went to the license office today to get my driving license (for the first time) and was asked to give a little driving test to assure them folks i was eligible for it...no problemo!! Iv been driving since 2 yrz now.
An extremely confident me expertly manuevered the car in their teeny lot, parked in the designated spot and smiled triumphantly :-D
But as soon as i saw the smirking lady officer and the tyre of my car, my baloon of joy went Pop!
I had dragged one of those neon red cones all the way to the parking, and it was a mangled mess between my tyre *embarassed*
Worst, it was all recorded :-(

I got the licence though :-D *lol*

Sufi poetry

2005-12-28T22:41:00.000+05:00

Sufi poets, be it Maulana Rumi, Hafiz Shirazi or Kabir, or be it the more simpler or better yet the more 'in' sufi poets of the day thanx to our music industry, Ghalib, Buleh shah and so on. Each of these poets have a way of relating to every individual. I stumbled across few books in a very quaint little shop and on a whim purchased Diwan-e-Hafiz and Rumi's Masanvi with translations.
Often, when i staggered to understand the more complex of the verses realization dawned upon me on the duality and the immense vastness of each word and each line.
Written in persian or punjabi, each soul manages to find something that he can relate to. Life's little obstacles, its intricacies, the simpler joys of life and the greener envy and greed. Be it the precariously thin line of wonder, was this Ishq-e-Haqeeqi or Ishq-e-Majazi?

O pious of the heart, I am lost in a love, so great
O pain the hidden secrets will become open debate.
Shipwrecked we just float,
O favorable wind arise,
May we one more time gaze upon that familiar trait.
Passage of time and the stars, are but what we fantasize
For compassion and kindness, it is never too late.
In the circle of wine and roses, nightingale’s song is prize
With the aroma and the wine your senses satiate.
O Thou compassionate one, life giver and the wise
One day bestow thy grace upon this mendicant’s state.
For peace of this world and the next, understand what I advise
Magnanimity the lot of friends, and with foes try to relate.

-Hafiz

...

2005-12-26T22:44:00.000+05:00

Its one of those moments again when you desperately want someone to hug you while you cry your heart out, and whisper while stroking your hair that everything will be ok. Dries the wetness from the corner of the eyes before the tears fall out and adjust yr glasses back on.
Some one to flick your nose with the tip of his finger, to stretch yr sad lips in a smile and touch his forehead to yours and make the haze clear away.

hallucinating

2005-12-23T22:38:00.000+05:00

Its tough being weak.
Trying to avoid you, avoid making contact, not able to fully connect or break away, wishing it wasnt this way, wondering how much you know, wondering how to tell.....

Imagined you in a black high neck and a blazer sitting at yr desk...analyzing oil prices *quiet smile*
Imagined messing up your reports and enjoying the look on your face.
Imagined getting a surprise call or text from you on my special day.
Imagined..an altogther different..an altogether better life by your side.

How long till it ends?

2005-12-22T01:04:00.000+05:00

He ignores me
(Not for long)
Wont look at me
(soon I'll be gone)
They think I'm weak
(My mind is strong)
Doesn't love me
(He is wrong)

Lost in a love now,
Deep as the sea
Counting the minutes,
'till he comes to me
Darkness starts to swallow
Stabbing like a knife
But still I will be with him,
His departed life.

Another one bites the dust!

2005-12-21T21:27:00.000+05:00

After years of pleading and convincing, Bhaiya finally decided to give up his beloved bachelorhood, convince his folks that its about time he's married and finally did get married.
He conquered the war against my mamoo & mummani (his parents...Bhaiya actually being my cousin!) who thought he was "STILL" too young to be tied down (argh)
Now im on the confusing stage of decididng wat i'll call bhabhi...just plain Bhabhi is not at all exciting and Babs...ermm..not that either.
Another dillema is to figure out what i'll make bhaiya's kids call me :-S
Phupoo...sounds old and hagly!
sumfin more cooler like....
Fu fu?
Fi fi?

*totally confused*

Wish-List!

2005-12-17T00:02:00.000+05:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents underneath the tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Hunny all I want for Christmas is you

2005-12-15T01:26:00.000+05:00

Tanhai tu bhi...
Bol Kabhi!!

Your silence is deafening...
My screams quietened.
Your eyes are wide shut,
Mine slit open forever.
the moon shines softly in your sky...
My perfect sky...?
My perfect sky is torn!

Foot in Mouth!!

2005-12-11T01:06:00.002+05:00

Me: so wats up?
Friend: Im getting married
Me: *eeek* Thats so sudden..what when *bla bla bla*
Her: *telling the story..bla bla bla*
Me: Well, Nida and sara got married recently too
Her: yeah, so did Alina, Shazia and Saman..all of them last month
Me: What is this mating season or sumthing?? :-S

Errrmmm.....*Foot in Mouth Moni*

2005-12-06T22:10:00.000+05:00

He doesn't find the courage to tell you,
You dont findthe courage to tell him.

He doesn't take your side when facing the world
You give up fighting the world alone.

You harden your heart and dry your tears,
You repeat to you self "It was meant to be this way"

You slip a ring in a strangers finger,
and detachedly watch the world celebrate.

2005-12-05T23:36:00.000+05:00

I'll give away my dreams,

I'll decline fortune and fame,

I'll wash away all the words i ever wrote..

and snuff every last candle of hope.

I'll gladly exchange my smiles,

and drink my tears to your joy

I'll do all this...and more

Just to hear you say..I Love You

2005-12-05T22:19:00.000+05:00

Have you ever spent hours in front of the monitor
staring listlessly at the screen
with raw, red, stinging eyes?

Has your heart ever missed a beat in hope whenever someone comes online

Have you ever hoped with all that you have..that you are the person he came online for...

Have you ever wished that maybe..this time..just this time...he'll say I'll be the one to kiss your pain away.

2005-12-04T19:48:00.000+05:00

In the midst of all my madness,
You bring a shadow of a smile on me.
Im retreating into someone...
I dont ever wanna be!

=(

2005-12-03T22:36:00.000+05:00

Chubte kaantey yaadoun ke, daman se chunta hoon.
Girti deewaroun ke, saye mai..zinda hoon!

2005-12-02T11:47:00.001+05:00

*whirling thoughts of a delusioned soul*

It's becoming more evident
Much more obvious to me
I thought much more of you
Than you ever thought of me
Was this my biggest mistake
Letting myself think you cared
Was I just your marionette
With heartstrings open and bared
With me left here still thinking
What was false, what was true
So puzzling and so complex
I’m left to await another clue
On my heartstings you played
Each left with a loving memory
Yet I still have those questions
Do you ever think about me
I’m wondering why all the intrigue
Now why all of this mystery
Why am I left here hanging
Just tell me what is to be...

2005-12-02T11:47:00.000+05:00

What Do They Know

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.
When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.
Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.
They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?
I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.
I saw him today....his smile is still the same.
He looks at me so sweetly, but never takes my name.
I wonder if he misses me... It hasn't been that long.
He may not realize it yet, but I still sing his song

2005-11-30T20:14:00.000+05:00

Nothings working out, nothing at all.
Seems fate has sworn to make things as tough as they can be for us.

Papa's not well, he is in the hospital due for surgery. A surgery for sumthing that doctor arent even able to diagnose after 20 hours of observation.
I need your prayers and moral support desperately.

2005-11-27T22:41:00.000+05:00

Untill the day i paint my masterpeice,
My soul will not be at ease.
my heart will torment me for what i couldn't do
and I will hate myself for my cowardice.

So lemme paint my love
in splashes and strokes so bold,
in shy hues of pink and blue
in stark shades of red and gold.

A bit of gray, for the sorrows we shared,
A stroke of blue, when i was without you.
A dot of lavander for the moments spent dreaming,
on a background of red for the frozen heart thats still beating.

A sky of glittering silver, for all the stars iv wished upon,
A searing arrow of black to peirce the red of my heart.
A small flame of hope for you in orange and yellow,
and there, im all done with my part.

Dreams and visions created,
but still not at ease,
Coz the canvas awaits your touch...to become a masterpeice!

2005-11-27T13:34:00.000+05:00

Tom sawyer did all sorts of no-good things just to get the girl of his dreams to reprimand him, who otherwise avoided tom like a plague. Anything to get her to come him.
Nice!!
Iv got a killer flu, king size tonsils and thermometer bursting fever ...and i just ate a raspberry ice lolly.
Feel like killing me yet?
Very nice!

2005-11-25T10:43:00.000+05:00

Finally married!
Nida's gone :( well...married and gone!

Whooooooo am i gonna talk to and0 share all my stories and secrets and tragedies and gossips with now *crying*

apart from my tantrum, Nido hunny, Wishing you a beautifull life and lots of love from your in-laws and bless me with lotsa cute cuddly nephews and nieces :)

2005-11-20T15:26:00.000+05:00

Its Nida's mehendi and nikah today, the whole air's festive.
the fragrance of henna, the tinkle of the bangles and payals, the flowers are everywhere...Some for us to wear, some to decorate.
The combined ambience of henna, flowers, bangles, bright clothes, loving smiles, the heart felt hugs shared between me n my best friend..picking out our clothes for tonite...Noticing each others moist eyes accross the room, cloaked by our expressions, the subtle way she clutched my hand n squeezed it reassuringly, then another hug and a torrent of tears all over again.

Feeling just a bit more lonelier today.

2005-11-20T00:02:00.000+05:00

I slept to dream of you, but I woke without you there. I felt like a boat with no sail being drifted away like a message in a bottle waiting to be found. Sharing and feeling what I feel now makes me ask, are you true to my heart?
I sat outside as it rained my heart numbed as the rhythm of the raindrops got louder and bigger. I'm soaked now, but I don't care as long as I know that you are true to my heart. We talk about love, we talk about caring but did we ever talk about the pain love can bring? Do we even understand love?
Love? What a word, something that makes you happy, something that makes you sad, something no one really understands, and maybe to scared to accept. Do you really understand how much my heart bleeds for you?

When I woke up, I sat thinking of you. Knowing you are my happiness, my everything.
The phone rings, I'm hoping it's you, just by the sight of you or by your voice I feel my heart sink. All I hear is your name and my heart skips a beat. But if you decide to go, I just want you to know that I will remember you, I've lost my fear of falling...I will be with you.
You have opened my heart and eyes, I will be waiting for you, but please don't keep me waiting forever!

2005-11-19T22:10:00.001+05:00

I wanna be the one you talk on the phone,
I wanna be the one you cry out for when your alone,
I wanna be the one you think of everynight
I wanna be the onewithout whome nothing seems right
I wanna be the one you can't live without,
I wanna know your everything inside and out,
I wanna be the one who your friends know your thinking of,
The only one love forever without a doubt
I just wanna be your girl... the only one in your world.

2005-11-19T22:10:00.000+05:00

After all we've been through...why am I still here?
All the hurt and pain and sheded tears.
The yellin and screamin...fussin and fightin.
The secrets and attitudes & let's not forget lying.
Days of not speakin...days of silent treatments.
Not bein able to think straight...
countless "I love and I Hates".
Not bein able to see thru the fog, not being able to see clear...
Then why am I still here?

It's because of all the joy and love
and the warmness of your hugs.
All the tears you wiped away
and how regardless of my mistakes you still stayed.
How you can always put a smile on my face and my heart.
and how this time feels like an enternity apart.

Im still here because im not the only one in love, even though i dont hear you say the words yet,
i know what lies deep within your heart. But do u think of all that too? Do u miss as much?

2005-11-19T15:16:00.000+05:00

Smiled after days coz i heard from you...
your sight made my heart miss a beat...
But started torrents of tears when you left.

My on going ramble of 'friends' wud never include the person i think of as my dearest friend..how cud u think of it that way...but wont hold it against you.
My cryptic speech is already tuff to decipher...and the distances wouldnt let u know what the feeling or motive behind each word it.
But hold on to all of this..maybe one day i'll get to explain all of it in detail *smiles*

Missing the touch of frozen yoghurt in life :(

2005-11-18T00:36:00.000+05:00

Feels like walls are moving in on me,
its suffocating.
Locked away in a world far away frm you, not knowing what you are doing, how you are?
Wondering if yr thinking about me too...?

Wish i cud hear from you in some way...when im at my loneliest!

2005-11-14T22:03:00.000+05:00

Humain itna tanha na karo
Ke ji na payien!

Wish U'd know...Wish U'd understand!

2005-11-13T14:23:00.000+05:00

U still dont know,
U havnt yet realized...

How endless is my wait?

2005-11-10T22:29:00.000+05:00

Im looking back at my life,
trying to find one wrong deed which i may have done to deserve this,
one incident when i may have walked out on someone or caused a teary eye...one moment when i didnt try to make someone smile or forget their worries...
sadly i couldn't find any

I blamed people, fate, myself, I protested to GOD, pleaded to him..requested...to no availThey say its a test... wat kind of a test is this?? They say, HE puts the ones he loves thru obstacle strews paths... that too doesn't make any sense to me

Now.. i'm standing by the shore braving against each wave that rushes towards me furiously but each dying as they touch my feet.. is this wat life is all about??
When I was at the pinnacle. i had milllions of faces smiling with me, lots of people to lean on, many to enjoy my life with...but the moment I felt my world slip from under my feet they all died like these waves.

I can hear the ocean calling my name.. far far away the full moon is beckoning me... I start to walking towards it...it feels so right.
Just as i the shore fell into nothingness, the waves embraced me with swirling arms...the same waves that were dying @ my feet were now welcoming me into their kingdom, loving me as their very own I feel free...more free then i ever had in my life time.Im gonna like my new home
Tomorrow.. they may miss me.. they may not.. they'll say she was a nice person... they'll probably shed a tear or two or gossip about what may have driven me to such psychotic frenzy.. but then the day after... they'll go back to their lives without realizing that it was them who drove me to these heights...

For the last time I turned towards the shore and extended my hand...but there was no one there to take it...the waves felt my despair, rose in rage at all those who braught me pain..They rose to cover my eyes so I'd stop looking back, the enveloped me and cradled me into their loving arms, they pulled me into their depths ...to take me into their kingdom, to love me as their very own.

Genius..Im not!

2005-11-06T20:47:00.000+05:00

...and that explains the wierd way my blog had been acting.
Some how, some one bungled up all my blog settings and me, being the slob that i am when it come to computers messed it up even further.
Painstakingly i tried uploading different skins a multitude of times but if my net didnt betray me, the template wudnt work.
Finally managed to get this skin up and workin while i try to customize one..for me..by me :-D

bear till then!

2005-10-22T11:46:00.000+05:00

Wish I cud be a bit more selfish,
I cud actually get things done then!!

*Living in a labyrinth of moving walls and selfish people *

i dont like this, i dont like that, I dont like you!!

2005-10-20T10:59:00.000+05:00

Hating everything and everyone rite now.
I bite....stay away!

2005-10-17T13:08:00.000+05:00

Its alright...
......................when im not understood!!

But its bloody annoying.....

.......................When im misunderstood!

Do i have a friend?

2005-10-17T10:13:00.000+05:00

Iv lived thru 2 decaded, Iv met millions of people, Iv socialized with thousands on a personal basis, I sit for 10 hrz a day with atleast a 100 of them, I chat and talk to half of them after classes.
But...who do i call 'MY' friend?
A friend of my own, who is with me not at his convenience or mood but all the time. The person i can always find when i look back, the one who'll support me if i stumble.
A friend to cherish, to love, to care for and to be protected by.

Till sum time ago, I couldnt understand why i never had a friend who was as honest to me as i was to them, why no one ever went out of the way for me as i went for them, i used to think no one ever understood me.
But lately, i think the problem is within myself.
Am i too loving? too honest? too possesive?

Questions arise, get squelched brutally, a mask with a pasted smile falls firmly back in place.
But its only a few days till its hard facade is cracked by the torrent of emotions and questions rising from within.
The next few days are spent in seclusion so no one notices the somber expressions, or the slightly red eyes and the moist lashes, just a few days...
till i cover the stains left behind by the rivulets of tears,
till I fix my mask back in place again.

Coffee Lovers

2005-10-15T11:30:00.000+05:00

Silently,
He smiles to himself,
As he thinks of her,
Sitting alone in her kitchen,
Sipping coffee.
She thinks of him too,
But little does he know it.
Unfortunately
,Both pass each other every day,
Without passing on the knowledge,
Of their inwardly turned love.
Time and time again it happens,
For who has the courage to say it first,
Or do they just enjoy,
Their secret love affair.

This poemreminded me of a specific Nescafe Gold ad series, we saw in our advertising class. It showed 2 neighbours come together out of their love for coffee..and then..ahem!
Really Sweet Though!! *sniff*
:-)

Shaken to the core

2005-10-12T10:13:00.000+05:00

The casualties keep on rising...
first Iran, Afghanistan, then new Orleans, ofcourse Quetta back in 1996, and now North Pakistan!
The world seems to be coming to an end.
Is this a wake up call for us to get up and get our acts straight?
Or is it to late for that?

If God forbid sumfin happens, I wanna be with my loved ones when it happens.
I would prefer to die with them then to stay alive without them :(

ranting

2005-10-07T10:26:00.000+05:00

Though U arnt here beside me,
Though you live far away,
U are still the one i keep thinking of...
every minute of every day.
When my eyes cant find you,
It causes my soul despair,
But the mere thought of seeing you the next day...
Makes it easy to bear.
You have never said anything,
Theres nothing we have had,
And that gets me wondering...
Do I have the right to get sad?
The stranger you once were,
U arnt that anymore,
But people change from time to time,
and I'm not what I was before.

And here I go once again ranting and raving my head off like the insomniac iv become. No internet connection or cable TV @ my new place, so that gives me hours and hours to think. Not that they were ever a distraction. I miss my music, I miss my old room, I miss being able to laugh without thinking twice.
Maybe its the new place thats getting to me :(
Something doesnt fit in life, Maybe my star is missing from my sky, or is it the angel from my heaven?
Maybe, U'r just not calling :)

W8-ing 4 a better day!

2005-10-04T14:21:00.000+05:00

So much for things being any clearer since September 28th. Watching detachedly thru a tinted and fogged glass towards a misty forest.
People turn to shadows, silhuettes turn to fog....
Desperately in need of a sensitivity antidote, getting sick of it. Must stop being touchy, must stop trying to be an optimist, must stop getting disappointed.

Hell yeah Im waiting for a better day!!!

This post has no topic!

2005-09-28T22:12:00.000+05:00

Justujoo khoye huo-on ki hum kartey rahay
Chand ke humrah har dum kyun chalte rahay
Kuch khabar na rastoun ki, na hum safar ki
Bas umeed eik roshni ki thi!

Some things confusing, and blurry. Someones too shelled up.
The change of behaviour shouldnt hurt but some how it does. Maybe coz i dont know wat's going on.

Hourlies get to me! *bummer*

Trapped in my thoughts

2005-09-27T23:18:00.000+05:00

He laughs at my dreamz...
I dream about his laughter....!

I wonder

2005-09-27T22:45:00.000+05:00

Wanna see the sun set in your eyes
But why the sun sets beyond our eyes....
....I wonder!
:)

(The dazzle of the sunset @ Zero point)

2005-09-27T12:50:00.000+05:00

Strange changes in moods,
garish twists in attitudes...
Confusion and misunderstandings
Events that make you go...
What The..%#^*

Obsessed with Eyes!

2005-09-22T23:19:00.000+05:00

Your eyes are like sunset,
orange and yellow,
shining like moonlight,
soft like marshallows,
bright like the sun,
Like ripples on water,
Glistening like raindrops,
As the galaxies roll over,
wild like the desert,
grainy like sand,
out of reach like the stars,
like the sea and the land,
When I look at you,It’s like fire inside,
A muddle of feelings,I just cannot hide.

Ps: The eyes above are not THE Eyes!! The Eyes arnt crooked :-D

(Edited after 30 min of posting)
Post Publishing Syndrome:
Marshmallow???
what was I thinking?
Geez... at times i have no clue why i write what i write, what makes me type in a frenzy that comes and goes at its own free will.
Days seem to be dragging by lately, theres something in the air i just cant decipher even though the presence is so thick that i could probably scoop it to fill an ice cream cup.
Maybe some things if going to happen, maybe my sixth sense is too worked up.

~*~

2005-09-21T15:47:00.000+05:00

Feeling lonely in the midst of a crowd...
Didn't want to say out loud,
The degree of unhappiness I feel inside,
This raw feeling that I hide,
I don't ever wanna let it out,
But that's what I'm all about!!

This personality is a facade,
wilting with time, ready to fade,
Waiting for the one with open eyes,
who'll see through me and realize...
That inside of me lies a treasure trove,
briming with gems of emotions and love!
Who'll look into my eyes and drown in its depth,
who'll rip away the fake smiles Iv kept.
Who'll show me it's ok to be my real self...
Who'll love me for me, just as I am!!!

colors of my life!

2005-09-20T12:18:00.000+05:00

My soul is no less then a palette of colours splashed and over lapping each other.
The blue of my pain when your not around, The purple of my dreams with your essence so profound. The pale pinks and yellows of my shy happiness,
The red of my passion n love for you & you alone, The green of my envy when another gets your attention.
Even the grays and browns from the dust of time add to it a muted elegance

Each emotion is like a fresh splash n stroke of a vibrant paint on an already colorfully abstract life...The only element that can over power their vibrancy and wash away each color are my tears.

2005-09-18T14:06:00.000+05:00

Poochey jo koi, meri nishani...
Rungg hi Rungg likhna!

(My sketch in charcoal made by Sahil Khan, Eyes and background coloured by me)

Trust me!

2005-09-17T21:48:00.000+05:00

See yourself in my eyes,
turn my life to paradise
I really mean it!
They say your eyes are an illusion,
I say its enough for my life...
N I mean it!
Your fragrance in my life would let me realize,
U really mean it!!
- Courtesy
A dear Friend :-)

Upclose

2005-09-16T22:17:00.000+05:00

Things upclose look different, mysterious..till you back up and look at a fuller, more simpler picture!
(Just playing around with my cam)

Chillies Chillies (R.o.t.f.l)

2005-09-15T00:27:00.000+05:00

I came across a translated indian song, Mohabbat hai Mirchi of Zayed Khan and Esha Deol fame...but u gotta chk its translation..heheh..its hilarious!!

MOHABBAT HAI MIRCHI
mirchii mirchii
Chillies, chillies...
jaan hathelii pe rakh lo aa.nkho.n se motii chakh lo...
Put your life on the palm of your hand; taste the pearls of your eyes...
tiikhii tiikhii tej tej yeh suulii par hai sej sej
Spicy and sharp, make your bed on the gallows.
imaan bankar tum rakh lo
Consider it your faith and keep it.
muhabbat hai mirchii...
Love is like chillies...
muhabbat hai mirchii sanam
Love is like chillies, darling.
uljhii uljhii tirchhii tirchhii muhabbat kii galiyaa.n sanam
The lanes of love are tangled and convoluted.
muhabbat hai mirchii...
Love is like chillies...
muhabbat hai mirchii sanam
Love is like chillies, darling.

Love is chillies darling *marium flutters her eyelashes n sings*

Mere dil ka jahaan

2005-09-14T22:20:00.000+05:00

The shores' before my eyes,
yet my heart is drowning deep,
How helpless Iv become,
Shattered, Iv broken to peices.
Tell me, how can i confess to you mairee jaan.
Cant you see how insane my heart is!